Jenn (curby_stivison) wrote,

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24 people jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in 2004

So I sit here and cry while listening to I Was a Cub Scout. It's then I know that my depression has reached a new level. My past has this hold on me that I cannot shake. I cannot escape it. And I am afraid that one day it will kill me. When I close my eyes, all I see is the mistakes I have made and I scream so loud inside my head that I think I will explode into a million pieces and that will be what is left of me. I have imagined my mind as a black circular room with movie screens on every wall. I am sitting in the middle of the room as my memories play on the screens and there are so many, many screens. Suddenly I run over and screaming, I tear all the screens off the walls to clear my mind. But behind every screen I tear down, there is another and so it never ends. There are times however that I am at peace. It's in these times that he is with me and we live on the coast, just the two of us. And I beg and I plead with God to give me this fantasy as a real life. I don't want much, just him and the sea.

I find it funny that I cry at romantic movies when I myself can never identify.
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